The Rise of Difficult Diners: Restaurant Servers Speak Out on Top Pet Peeves and Why it Matters

Restaurant staff across the industry are reporting an increase in challenging customer behavior. This trend, amplified by factors like increased online interaction and post-pandemic social shifts, impacts everything from staff morale and efficiency to the overall dining experience and restaurant profitability. Understanding these common pet peeves can help diners improve their etiquette and foster a more positive environment for everyone.

Key takeaways from servers include the importance of treating staff with respect, understanding operational realities like reservations and kitchen flow, and communicating needs and feedback effectively and politely during the meal.

The Changing Landscape of Dining

As dining habits evolve and digital interactions become more prevalent, the dynamic between restaurant staff and customers seems to be shifting. According to servers, there’s a noticeable decline in basic etiquette, sometimes making staff feel more like servants than skilled professionals crafting a service experience. Danna, a server at an Italian restaurant, points out that increased technological interaction, such as online reservations, might contribute to a decrease in face-to-face social skills upon entering the restaurant.

Top Pet Peeves: What Restaurant Staff Really See

Based on conversations with servers and bartenders, several recurring issues stand out as major frustrations that impact their ability to provide excellent service and can even affect the business’s bottom line.

Calling for Same-Day Reservations or Demanding Tables

One frequent issue is customers calling or showing up expecting immediate seating, especially for large groups, without a prior reservation. When denied, some resort to tactics like claiming to know the owner. Maxwell Johnston, a bartender at Grazie Ristorante, notes this is often ineffective and inappropriate.

Restaurants strategically manage reservations and walk-ins. If a table isn’t immediately available, waiting might pay off, as reservation times are often padded. However, patience is key. Asking for a drink at the bar while you wait is a polite way to make the time pass and respects the restaurant’s process.

Exterior view of a popular Toronto restaurant with a line of people waiting outside for tables.

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Complaining Rudely About Prices

With rising costs affecting both restaurants and consumers, price sensitivity is understandable. However, making snide or aggressive comments about menu prices is awkward and unfair to staff. Nikita, a bartender, recalls a guest remarking about a cocktail price, “$18? What’s in that, liquid gold?” Such comments put servers in an uncomfortable position.

While prices have increased across the board, staff don’t set them. If an item is outside your budget, it’s perfectly acceptable to choose something else without making negative remarks that can sour the interaction.

High-end roasted cauliflower dish on a plate in a restaurant setting, symbolizing changing dining costs.

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Venting Online Instead of Providing In-Person Feedback

Servers find it frustrating when guests express satisfaction during the meal but later leave negative online reviews. This prevents the restaurant from addressing issues in real-time and improving the customer’s experience. Staff are often empowered to fix problems on the spot.

When a server checks in, provide honest, constructive feedback. If something is wrong with the food or service, politely mentioning it allows the staff to correct the situation immediately, potentially turning a negative experience into a positive one.

Disrespecting the Restaurant Space

Engaging in destructive or inappropriate behavior, such as moving furniture without permission, tampering with decor, vaping or doing drugs openly, or going behind the bar, is unacceptable. Jakob Brull, a bartender and bar manager at The Comrade, notes these actions are surprisingly common and often met with misplaced customer indignation when staff react.

Basic awareness of your surroundings and the rules of the establishment is crucial. Treat the restaurant’s property and space with respect. And, as Brull strongly advises, never use the sink as a toilet; it creates a deeply unpleasant and avoidable task for staff.

Lying About Allergies

Misrepresenting dietary restrictions, especially claiming severe allergies when merely having an aversion, creates significant problems. Kitchens take allergies very seriously, implementing time-consuming safety protocols to prevent cross-contamination. Peter Alexandropoulos, a server at Dreyfus, recalls a guest claiming multiple allergies who was later seen eating food they claimed was unsafe.

Using precise language (allergy for a medical necessity, aversion for a preference) is vital. False allergy claims can cause unnecessary stress for kitchen staff, slow down service for everyone, and potentially desensitize staff to real allergy warnings, which could have dangerous consequences and damage the restaurant’s reputation.

Restaurant server Peter Alexandropoulos taking notes, representing the importance of accurate food order communication.

Lingering Long After Payment

Restaurant tables are resources, especially during peak hours. Staying seated and socializing for extended periods after finishing your meal and paying the bill slows down turnover, limits seating for waiting guests, and can reduce the server’s earning potential through tips on subsequent tables.

Be mindful of the time, particularly during busy shifts like dinner or brunch. If you wish to continue socializing, consider moving to the bar area (if space allows) or relocating to a nearby cafe or lounge. Being considerate of the restaurant’s operational needs helps ensure smooth service for all.

Bringing Laptops or Outside Items to the Table During Dinner

While acceptable in some cafe or casual brunch settings, opening a laptop or bringing outside food/drink containers (like a large coffee cup) to a dinner table can disrupt the dining atmosphere for others. It signals a focus on work or outside matters rather than the dining experience the restaurant provides.

If you need to work, it’s more appropriate to do so outside the main dining area. Leaving personal items like coffee cups at home or in your bag respects the restaurant’s environment and service standards.

Obnoxiously Trying to Get Attention

Snapping fingers, whistling, or making loud noises to get a server’s attention is considered rude and disrespectful. It can also disturb other diners. As Peter Alexandropoulos experienced, this can even lead to conflicts between guests.

In a busy environment, servers are likely aware of you and attending to multiple tables. A polite non-verbal cue, like a slight hand raise, or simply saying “excuse me” when they are nearby is a much more effective and respectful way to signal you need assistance.

Not Cancelling Unneeded Reservations

Failing to cancel a reservation, particularly for a large group, is costly for the restaurant and its staff. It results in lost revenue from the reserved table sitting empty and potential paying customers being turned away. This directly impacts the business’s profitability and staff tips.

Communication is key. Most reservation platforms offer easy cancellation options, and a quick phone call is always appreciated. Plans change, but informing the restaurant allows them to rebook the table and minimizes financial losses.

Being on Your Phone While Ordering

Being engrossed in a phone call or scrolling while trying to place an order is frustrating for servers. It slows down the ordering process, can lead to mistakes, and feels disrespectful as it implies the server’s task is less important than your phone activity.

Take a brief moment to give your full attention to the server when ordering. This allows for clear communication, reduces errors, and ensures a smoother, faster process for everyone.

Restaurant server taking an order with a friendly smile, representing quality hospitality.

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Impact and Outlook: Why Etiquette Matters

The prevalence of poor customer behavior affects the service industry on multiple levels. For staff, it can lead to burnout, job dissatisfaction, and increased turnover in an already challenging labor market. For restaurants, it can mean lost revenue, operational inefficiencies, and a damaged atmosphere that affects other guests.

Ultimately, dining is a mutual exchange. Restaurants provide a service, food, and atmosphere, while diners agree to abide by basic social norms and respect the staff. Simple acts of consideration, clear communication, and empathy can vastly improve the dining experience for customers and create a more sustainable and positive working environment for the dedicated professionals in the hospitality industry. Being a mindful diner contributes not just to a single pleasant meal, but to the health and quality of the restaurant community as a whole.